Child Inclusive Mediation: The Importance of Giving a Child a Voice

Posted: 29th January 2025
by Sue McArthur
If you are in the process of a divorce or separation it can be difficult to agree on child arrangements. It is recommended that children of a certain age should be allowed to have their thoughts and wishes considered to ensure the best possible outcome. If this process is done through family mediation, this is known as Child Inclusive Mediation (CIM).
What is Child Inclusive Mediation?
CIM is a process where a qualified mediator speaks confidentially to children who are over 10 years old to give them an opportunity to their share thoughts, worries, and feelings whilst their parents are going through a separation, without having to feel pressure to take sides or make a decision. It ensures that the children are not put under any unnecessary pressure in an already sensitive situation.
What does the process involve?
At your initial meeting, your mediator will provide information about the process. At your first joint meeting, the mediator will ask both parents to share their opinions on CIM. If both parents agree to this form of mediation, then a qualified child mediator will be appointed, and the parents will be asked to answer some screening questions which may include:
- Asking how they will respond to certain types of feedback
- How will they use the feedback within their child arrangements
- Confirm that the children’s opinions will be respected
- Confirm that they understand the rights that their children have
These questions are to ensure that CIM is being used for the right reasons. The mediator will then directly write to the children to explain the process and invite them to take part. It is important to understand that if the children do not want to take part, they will not be made to do so.
If the children are happy to take part in the process, either your mediator or a separate CIM trained mediator, will arrange to meet with them separately. These meetings can be arranged at a convenient time for everyone, either in person or online. If the meetings are in person, they usually take place in a neutral setting such as in an office, or school building after hours. If online, the meeting will be over Microsoft Teams or Zoom with a laptop or tablet being preferable. The parents must agree on where the meeting will take place and that there are relevant safeguards put in place to protect the confidentiality of the children.
When you should not use Child Inclusive Mediation
There are times when CIM would not be seen as appropriate, including:
- If there are high levels of conflict, domestic abuse, or child abuse. This can prevent the parties involved from being safeguarded or limit the effectiveness of this method.
- The children are under the age of 10 so they may not have the capacity to participate in the process meaningfully.
- If both parents do not come to an agreement or provide consent for the process to be undertaken.
- The children are already meeting with other professional services (such as Children Services or CAFCASS), this is because there is a risk they may become overwhelmed.
The Benefits of Child Inclusive Mediation
CIM can provide many benefits for all the parties involved in this difficult situation:
- It can reduce conflict between parents for all parties to discuss their concerns confidentially and work to an agreement that is mutually acceptable.
- The communication methods between parents can be improved to prevent the children from becoming the messenger and work on repairing damaged relationships.
- It can be a cost-effective alternative with it often being quicker and less expensive than going to court.
CIM is a resolution method that can be very valuable when navigating the difficult process of separation or divorce. Ensuring that the children are involved in the mediation process can allow parents to better understand the needs and concerns of their children and work together to formulate an agreement that is in the best interests of their children. It can also enable children to feel that their wishes and feelings have been heard and taken notice of.
If you would like to speak to our highly skilled Family Mediation team about CIM, please contact us on 0191 500 6989 or email [email protected].